Santa Claus–The Midnight Express

SantaClaus1For all you young children, young at heart, and parents of young children who look forward to full stockings and well-wrapped boxes under the tree, I have the answer to an age old question about Santa’s journey that has been asked for years.  Old standards on vinyl, CD, I-Pod, or even Pandora, Sirius-XM, or those music stations cable TV providers offer play Christmas songs like Jolly Old St. Nicholas.  There is an implication that Santa visits every home at the stroke of Midnight.  Children age, and the demand for scientific proof increases; generally a positive thing, but a side-effect is it dampens Christmas spirit and become more reality junkies and less dreamers.  Can Santa Clause visit every home at exactly midnight?  The answer is YES.

The twenty-four time zones on planet Earth were arbitrarily created by man for convenience and standardization purposes.  Truth be told, every meridian is a time zone in itself.  New York City and Boston are both on the Eastern Time Zone of the United States, yet the sun does set approximately seventeen minutes earlier in Boston and on Jewish holidays, Boston Jews must light their Sabbath candles seventeen minutes earlier than New Yorkers of the persuasion.  Santa delivers his parcels to homes by using the chimney as an entry and exit point.  Every chimney on planet Earth resides on a different meridian and Santa comes down your chimney at the stroke of midnight with respect to the juxtaposition of your chimney.  Santa is from the North Pole if you build a clock powered by the movement of the Earth, it moves faster the closer you are to the equator and on the North Pole, it doesn’t move at all since all meridians of the world converge at the polar cap.  The clock in the dashboard on that big red sleigh he drives is a Relative Meridian Time (RTM) clock and it is programmed to detect when midnight arrives at each meridian where a chimney is present.  Works better than any GPS system ever invented or sold commercially and from centuries of experience, his reindeer are in tune with it the same way the old milk horses of the bygone era knew exactly where to stop.

Yes, boys and girls; Santa will arrive at exactly 12:00 AM RTM in synch with the meridian of which your house’s chimney resides.  And Santa is always on time; we adults can’t say that about Amtrak or our commuter railroad; now can we?  So be in bed on time on Christmas Eve.  He sees you when you’re sleeping, he knows when you’re awake.  He knows when midnight strikes the meridian of your chimney and he expects you to plan accordingly.

 

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